Addendum

I'm kinda getting
sick and tired
of taking the blame
over crap ass
romances.
I know this may come
as a surprise and shock.
The evidence
of my greater good
is pretty telling:
I'm a treasure
among treasures.
Today this fella
delicately tried to tell me
if I lost more weight
than maybe I'd get
more of the attention
that I want.
I'm not sure
if that's the kind of attention
I'm after.
I'll be enjoying
my sexuality
over here, thank you.
What I was trying to tell the guy:
I'm pissed off at God
because I am sick and tired
of him/she/it
taking me down
dead end paths of love-
when love should be
and is in a constant state
of expansion and growth.
With this knowledge and presence
you'd think I'd get
a bone thrown my way
once in a while,
and I do it's just...
I want something
where I could be allowed to trust
and explore with a partner
who was willing to share
but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
I get nothing.
Glimpses, really.
Not like I should be focusing
much farther beyond myself
but this is myself
and these are my feelings
and there is legitimacy
inherent within.

Everything is in perfect time,
Everything in perfect time.
I wrote that,
even gave it a pretty little melody.
I'm supposed to believe it,
sometimes I do...
but there is no supportive
evidence of that
connected
with my love life.
Throws me off balance
this inconsistency
I'm getting from my one source
of consistency. "Here,"
my God says,
"Let me show you
the beauty of the world
I created, look at everything
you see. See it breathe
with my constant divine presence...
what are you looking at?
What's that you've got there?
Where'd you find that
romantic love?!
Put that down, put that back
where you found it
this instant. You get that
only when you've earned it."
And this is where
I glare defiantly back at
God's face and say,
"I have."