Down to one

Well, it's just me again. Lost both the boys that I was contemplating in my mind. I've never had a relationship that had any real longevity. This one was the longest run at 3 months. Of course I'm sad about it. I miss my pilot already.
I can not help but think that there is something wrong with me. That there's something repulsive about me that I'm not seeing, so I get paranoid. Paranoid about being ugly. Physically, mentally, or emotionally. I keep rolling around all three: it's not that one, but it could be this one.. it's not that one... maybe this one. I even doubt that I'm a good person, my mother doesn't seem to think so, but then she never did like my sunshine.
Oh, just give me that person who thinks my sunshine is sexy! Come ON, I'm ready for it! It doesn't seem to be ready for me.
I've enjoyed my own company before, I can do it again. I got used to the other person's presence, though. I don't hear about his day anymore. I don't know what he's thinking. He's not checking in on me anymore, obviously he wants distance.
Oh, I could slap myself around by trying to figure out just what I did wrong, but this doesn't serve me.
I try to remain strong and not call, but today I itch to chat. I miss that. The chit chat.
To banter with someone I know very well is soothing.