Count the Blessings

These past two days I woke up with bad thoughts. Thoughts of fear. Like: Hollywood is smack in the middle of Los Angeles, and if something happened, it would be hard to get out. I would be scrambling to escape with literally millions of people. I am a loser, what the F am I doing here, anyway?
Thoughts like these do not help me out AT ALL. A directed shift is necessary, and the action has to be initiated within me. These negative thoughts are rather useless for me to improve my state of being. Bad things happen everyday, if it is God's Will to take me out tomorrow, the Great Maker is going to do it whether I'm curled up in a bunker or screaming praises on a mountain top. The latter sounds more appealing to me, a much better reality to be taken out victoriously.
As for those loser comments, what the fuck? Even if I am by some other's standards these standards are not my own, and ultimately I have to answer to myself. So if I don't like myself, that's going to create some serious opposition for me to get ahead in anything that I want to do. I know you dig me.
So, this morning, for the second time in a row I awoke with nasty self deflating and deprecating thoughts on the brain. I actively grabbed my pen and journal and wrote out all the festering negative garbage in my mind. Then I wrote a list of all that I'm thankful and grateful for. I believe this needs to be done everyday. Months ago I walked around with this coin from Peru in my pocket, and everytime I touched it I thought of something I was grateful for. I've fallen out of that practice. Cause having daily little rituals like that, little prayer rituals, strengthens me. I think what happens is subconsciously there gets a point when I think: "I don't need to pray/meditiate today, I feel fine and besides, I did that yesterday- I can do it tomorrow."
Um, hello?
Now is the time, and the time is now. I'm only fooling myself, and with that little tool of knowledge I think I'll make a difference in my life.