Life Lessons

A few months ago, a homeless guy in a quirky top hat set up shop @ the corner of Hollywood and La Brea. This is on my way to the gym. Every morning for a week, there he was sitting at the bus stop with a sign in tow, showing it fervently to all the cars that passed. This is not an terribly on common thing for a homeless person to pick a corner they like for whatever reason, and brandish a sign asking for a handout. When I briefly glanced at his sign, I read: "I HAVE NOTHING." I thought, "Yes, you do. You at least have a dirty grungy backpack you carry your things in." He obviously had something.
Something about him continued to grab my focus, he intrigued me in a way a couldn't completely grasp, but I kept up my guard for safety sake. I didn't feel there was anything I could really do for him. I don't carry money to the gym, though I did consider the thought of taking a couple of bucks with me for his troubles.One day, as I passed him, and he did what I feared he would do: engaged contact with me. He shook his sign at me.
"No one reads my sign!"
"Okay."
"No one READS my sign!"
"That's because it isn't true," I declared as I scurried on my way.
On the way back home, I chose to walk on the other side of the street, as one altercation with this man is plenty for one day. When I am across the street from him I read his sign. What it actually said was: GIVE ME NOTHING.

The truth of the matter is he was right: no one reads his sign. I made the assumption that he wanted a handout, I did not truly look at him. He was a bum and I did my best to ignore him.

I never got the chance to talk to him about his sign, or the lesson he gave me. I never saw him again. A dirty angel appeared in the City of Angels and passed out truths to anyone who would just read the sign- then just as quickly disappeared. It is in moment like these where I find the true beauty of life. It is in events like this where the truth is revealed to me in a finite state. It is unrefutable. It is brilliant. It is awing, and above all... humbling.

Count the Blessings

These past two days I woke up with bad thoughts. Thoughts of fear. Like: Hollywood is smack in the middle of Los Angeles, and if something happened, it would be hard to get out. I would be scrambling to escape with literally millions of people. I am a loser, what the F am I doing here, anyway?
Thoughts like these do not help me out AT ALL. A directed shift is necessary, and the action has to be initiated within me. These negative thoughts are rather useless for me to improve my state of being. Bad things happen everyday, if it is God's Will to take me out tomorrow, the Great Maker is going to do it whether I'm curled up in a bunker or screaming praises on a mountain top. The latter sounds more appealing to me, a much better reality to be taken out victoriously.
As for those loser comments, what the fuck? Even if I am by some other's standards these standards are not my own, and ultimately I have to answer to myself. So if I don't like myself, that's going to create some serious opposition for me to get ahead in anything that I want to do. I know you dig me.
So, this morning, for the second time in a row I awoke with nasty self deflating and deprecating thoughts on the brain. I actively grabbed my pen and journal and wrote out all the festering negative garbage in my mind. Then I wrote a list of all that I'm thankful and grateful for. I believe this needs to be done everyday. Months ago I walked around with this coin from Peru in my pocket, and everytime I touched it I thought of something I was grateful for. I've fallen out of that practice. Cause having daily little rituals like that, little prayer rituals, strengthens me. I think what happens is subconsciously there gets a point when I think: "I don't need to pray/meditiate today, I feel fine and besides, I did that yesterday- I can do it tomorrow."
Um, hello?
Now is the time, and the time is now. I'm only fooling myself, and with that little tool of knowledge I think I'll make a difference in my life.