I dream

I dream...
of an America where we have a government who is willing and brave enough to change our erroding infrastructure. Where our elected officials are actually elected officials, and where the vote aka voice of the people actually counts for something.

I dream...
of a government who is willing to take back the power and control they gave corporations which have allowed those corporations to poison our democracy, our media, the people, and the planet.

I dream...
of a world where corporations actually cared about the lives they are affecting, that they actually cared about our health and well being, and not the thickness of their wallets.

I dream...
because the reality that my visions create will ripple out to bring positive change to my world.

I know this is true because
I believe in myself,
I believe in you,
I believe in love,
I believe we can use our power for good.
I believe people are waking up from their soul sleep,
and I believe people are ready to not sit idle by.

Find the Issue

There is doubt and fear
buzzing around annoyingly
inside my brain,
I give them the
stink eye
but it does little good.
They are defiant.
Lists I've made
are everywhere,
scattered about
my mind and
on little pieces of paper.
I've currently
misplaced them all.
On average,
it would appear
I'm dumbfounded.
I catch myself
carrying on
long dialogs
with myself.
I interview myself
on a number of different
topics- ranging from
fashion, education, global warming,
the importance of laughter,
and anything else I find of interest.
I've been wondering
the exact point of these
impromptu talk shows.
The conclusion I've come to
is that I'm making sure
my opinions are
well founded and researched.
Which I was assured
by myself
that they are.

Grandma's ring

Oh, hi. Almost forgot all about ya. Well, I am going to Lala Land, and probably this coming weekend, if all goes according to plan. I will camp for a week in my favorite hot springs and then head on down to the concrete jungle. I am excited for my next step. I hope I can finish my Ganesh in time. Yesterday I perfected his man boobs. They were described by my friend as "elegant" which I guess is appropriate for an elephant.
As for the title of this entry... I went to the local pub to celebrate their 8th anniversary. It was chilly that night so I was taking my gloves off and on. When I got home and began to settle down for the night, I became very aware that my ring was missing.
I actually have two rings from my grandmother: one I would call a cocktail ring, the other is the one I wear more often. One I was given after her death, the other she gave me this ring when I was in high school. Until that point, even up in to middle school, she would get me crap things for Christmas like a rotating unicorn music box. I had come to expect this from my grandma, and did my best to seem pleased by her gifts. When she gave me her old amethyst, I had never received such a beautiful, grown up gift. I have cherished it always.
This is the ring that went missing. I tore apart my other jewelry, I checked pockets and bags. I went in to town the next day and searched the ground of the pub. I called the owner and asked him if they'd seen it. I had to reconcile myself with this being a matter of attachment to a physical object, and that my love for my grandmother is merely symbolized in the ring, but our love is ultimately greater. Tough work, that. More importantly, I prayed.
I performed at the open mic the next night. Not many people signed up, so the guy running it let me have a loooong set. I talked about bunches of stuff, including the missing ring and my DMV experience (I showed up 2 minutes too late, those ladies wouldn't budge and didn't care I drove 30 minutes to get there. I'd have to come back the next day to start the test. I wouldn't be that friendly if I worked at the DMV either). At the end of my set the bartender stood holding my ring, without a dent or scratch on it.
She told me I was a very lucky girl, and I couldn't agree with her more.

Freedom

Two days ago I was so sure. Now I waffle again with indecision. North Cali will be hard to leave. I auditioned for the Groundlings school of improv they told us to call after 12pm to find out the results of our auditions... and they called me. Ha. Let my ego inflate for a little as I absorb this small token of my brilliance.
LA is a land of posers that wear a lot of black and aren't too friendly. It also absolutely REEKS with opportunity.
Do I have loose ends to tie up? Yes, yes, I do.
A residency at a hot springs would be pretty cool, I can not deny this.

R.I.P.

My friend lost his mom on St. Patrick's day. When her children first went in to her house, they found a list she had been working on, waiting for them to read. At the funeral, everyone got a copy and they read what she wrote aloud. It would appear she wrote her own eulogy:

"Wonderful Things About Me:

I love to laugh. I am fun, pretty, loving, caring. I am a wonderful grandma. I am a great friend. I have pretty hair, eyes, feet. I am a good hiker. I am always trying to be happier, I love to have fun. I love to have a beautiful home and beautiful things. I am a very gifted lover. A wonderful thing about me is that I never give up. I always want to be better, happier, know more stuff. I am a wonderful friend who lets others live their lives. I live and let live. I am a wonderful traveler. I am a wonderful gardener. I am sexy, energetic, vital woman. I have great legs. I am good at accepting other people for who they are. I don't try to control or change them. I see and notice the things I like in others and take my attention off the things I don't like. I focus on only the wonderful things in every person and only look for such things. I never blame or criticize myself or others. I deeply love myself and think I'm great. Cool, lovely, wonderful.
My happiness is the most important thing and only I can control my happiness. It isn't anyone else's job. My own happiness is a personal choice at all times. I know that I am perfect and worthy and deserving of anything and everything I could possibly want. I will free myself of the job of making anyone else happy and will trust that they can do that themselves. I do not expect others to behave anyway to please me or to change their behavior to please me or "make me happy"- that is an inside job.
I have a weird sense of humor. I love deeply and am eager to love and not afraid of being hurt. The cage around my heart is falling off. I like me. I am OK. I have a great sense of style and design. I have a playful little girl inside me. I stay connected to those I love. I forgive easily and fully those whom I perceive have harmed me. I laugh often and loudly, and chuckle under my breath at the delight life holds and the absurdities that it brings."

Aria Walker (August 17, 1948-March 17, 2008)


A wise teacher I only had a short time to learn from. My lessons were short but the impact was great. Thank you, Aria.