What a World

True, some witch said this as her dying cry as she melted in to a puddle, but I say it more filled with awe. And I would lie if I said I wasn't crying out as well.
Happy late fourth. This year's celebration was a little tainted for me.

I have become recently obsessed with a documentary made in the 70s called Wattstax. I got it as character and costume study for the show Eye Candy will do next spring, but I have become fascinated by it. It was a show Stax records did for LA. The ticket price was a dollar, all the artists on the label were in it, and Stax footed most of the bill. Proceeds from the tickets went to a charity. It was a thank you concert to their fans. This event took place after the Watts Riots, it was kind of an anniversary of the civil rights movement. At the beginning of the concert, a beautiful afro puffed lady sings the national anthem, and no one stands up. Thousands of black people remain in their seats, some with arms crossed. Most with pissed off looks on their faces. Why? Because it wasn't the land of the free for them. America had done them an injustice, and I don't blame them for sitting. They were speaking their minds. The documentary opened my eyes up a little wider about the land of the free. Which is a joke. Sure we get to have nice things. Nice pretty material possessions (which I myself am attached to) but I have yet to see true happiness come from these things. I have seen true happiness come from love, and love is synonymous with God.

To boot: a dear friend and co-worker was in the hospital. She was passed out from Sunday til Tuesday. The circumstances are nothing that I approve of, she got herself there with a drug overdose... kinda. She actually was in for water toxicity, which was in relation to the drugs.
She remembers none of it. She doesn't remember the snorting of the cocaine, she doesn't remember the massive amounts of water she was putting in her body. Crazy that you can overdose on water, but it is true. It can make the fluid around your brain swell, and that is what will kill you.
Today I got a venti soy latte. Which is funny, I was only parroting the person in front of me using the word "venti." Usually I just say "medium" because I don't feel any fancier using the "italian" word for it. I was a little surprised how big the sucker was, but while I was paying for it, the cute little Starbucks girl was asking questions, friendly like, "Did you have a good 4th?" In my mind I was saying "No, I spent most of it in hospital at my friend's bedside, you little wench, and since when did it become Starbucks policy to try to make small talk with me?!?"
Instead, I gave her a tight smile and said: "Yes." I think if I spoke the truth in that moment it would have gummed up the Starbucks machinery and made it uncomfortable for everyone around me. Even though it smarted I took one for the team.

And I saw Ammachi last weekend. It was an interesting visit with her. I didn't stay up til all hours, and in doing so I missed some amazing performances. The cute little girls that do the traditional indian dances, and also a choir of women from Austin who do Gregorian chants, and stuff like that. I was upstairs sleeping. I felt safe being around her, and although I missed these things the quality of my sleep was excellent. It was deep and very restful and much needed. The times I was around her was spent coming to peace in my heart. I had been trying to cut out something from my heart, but it was painful and felt unnatural. I found it much easier to come to acceptance and peace. Much easier to be compassionate then hold hate. I don't want to tear my heart apart, it has been though enough without my interference.

Spending time with Amma helped me handle the news of my friend in the hospital. I remained calm and patient and prayed. This weekend is an encore performance of Eye Candy. My life moves forward without any prompting. Sometimes I feel I have to catch up to my own life, like a commuter jumping on to the trolley as it begins to speed away.