Bidding War

There are these boots on ebay that I could use for a costume. They are perfect and I want them. This stupid biddy who just joined ebay yesterday is playing a nasty battle for MY boots. Being new she is really eager to play the bidding battle. It's fun, those boots are cute, and she's never bid against someone before. Too bad for her. Those boots are on sale for another 12 hours. The minute before they will be sold to her, they will be mine. Oh, yes. I will play dirty. I will allow her to think she has gotten some of the coolest black boots in the whole world, and then I will rip that Queen of the Mountain rug right out from under her! Raise the price on boots that were meant for me, will ya? We'll just see about that...

Still need some work...

Opportunities have arisen to pursue deeper emotional connections, and I have shoned them all. I decided that the day I meet someone that I feel completely at ease around, is the day I'll find a person I can spend the rest of my life with. I want every day to be 'yes,' not 'no' or 'well, maybe...' Strange sentence, but true.
The large bruise on my knee, the deep slice on my thumb... yeah, I can't massage right now (both owies are on the right side, the giving, left is where you receive). And there isn't anything I can do about it accept sit and heal. Fuck the fact that I have bills to pay, I can't do anything about it- I have a deep, infected wound. I have an aloe bandaid on it and I think it's helping, it feels so good.
So no 'ifs,' 'ands' or 'buts' about it. Strange similiar theme to pop up again. I have been forced to stop. I choose to look inside and see what I've been neglecting. This has slowed me to a crawls place.
I'm upset enough to drink Coke. Yech. I guess I'm pissed off at myself because I know exactly what horrible bad things for your body that they contain. And I had two. Double whammy bitch slap on my body.
It feels safe in my art. I'll go there in a painting or two. Creating will be slow since my thumb is out of commision, I mean, think of all the things you do with your hand. The thumb is a vital part. Writing this blog without using my thumb has been rather interesting.
Think of me and my right knee and thumb. Think of us whole again.
I think it's time to fast. That's right, I said it.
Poisoning my body with soft drink and bleached flour products is not the answer.

To-Do lists help

I actually get the things on them accomplished if I right them down. It didn't use to be like that, but things have changed. I can accomplish things! Yea, me.
Yesterday I gave 6 massages and a killer show. It was a really grand show and I love where my troupe is at and where we are going. Am I beat? YES. Is my knee swollen and bruised? Yes. Am I unable to use my thumb from a deep slice running across it? Yes. Typing right now is kind of interesting. Thumbs are really important. We use them all the time. My story for today:
It was my last massage of the day. I was trying to hurry because I had to pick up someone from the airport right after work. The last person on my table was a woman who lost her husband 10 days ago, and they don't know why. They are having to wait on the autopsy.
This is not the first time people in grief have ended up on my table. It makes absolute sense. Two of the people I loved most in this world are gone, and both exited this planet 6 years apart, on the same day. I know grief very well. The massage was healing for me too. I got to tell her things I wish people had said to me.
"I know where you are at," I told her, "I am very fimiliar with grief. I've had very close loved one pass away. Grief is a rebirth, because everything is stripped away. Nothing matters. Absolutely nothing but a very real loss. Unnecessary things you put value in to before don't matter anymore, slowly but surely you are left with what is truly important. In time you will see why you went through this, but not now. It doesn't make sense now. People will say stupid things. (Yes, she said, her husband and her planned to take care of their completely handicapped son for as long as they lived, and people in the past days have said to her: 'Well, I guess now you'll put him in a nursing home.' Bad timing) They just don't know any different. There is no set grieving time. My father died six years ago, and my mother still thinks about him everyday. Why not? I lost a dog and every time I think about him I wish he was still with me. Our society rudely pushes us forward at a pace it thinks we must all run, it simply isn't true. Sometimes we need to slow down, slow way down. Give yourself time and thought and consideration."

This is the general gist of the conversation. I had been running a mile a minute that day, and I knew I needed to shut off my agendas, stop, and focus on her. Being there for her was the best part of my day.

Austin and horizons

The world is waiting for me. I just have to activate it. I can barely even begin to think of all the wonderful flavored filled moments I had in that city. My head is really foggy right now too. It's an obstacle. There is so much swimming around mind, it is kinda like... where to begin. Exactly. A brain sample:
Posters for next show, which is NEXT WEEK. I forgot about the skirt. Mendhi art. Friend is PREGNANT! Ostrich feathers! Beautiful hand. Improve improv. Which boots? Should I care about this guy? I don't even wanna bother. Should I ground the fenugreek? SuperOVUM show is Austin!!! Soak the beans. Clean the house. Call the friend. Posters! What about the posters? Rehearsals... where are we gonna have rehearsals? John didn't answer my phone call. PREGNANT! I need a to do list. Where did the floor polish go? I thought it was by the broom. Maybe I put it under the sink where it belongs... I won't have a free moment tomorrow. Did I piss somebody off? I hope I didn't piss someone off. I'm pissed off. I'm a Mad Hatter with rhinestones.

As you can see, I'm my head space is a little ridiculous right now.
Wish me luck.