I believe that's MY bouquet

This is my friend Lynn's wedding. She picked the same colors for her wedding that my sisters did, my siblings and mother should recognize the dress.

I am, indeed, victoriously holding aloft the bouquet. I know I'm spelling that right because I looked it up in the dictionary next to my computer. This might scare a few of you gents, but that is actually the 4th time for me to catch the bouquet. In fact, I think it will be a sad day for me when I can't join the line up for the toss. I do enjoy some fun friendly competition. The bouquet I caught before this was earlier this summer. Right before the bride was gonna throw I turned to another beautiful miss and told her without blinking, "You catch that bouquet, and I'm gonna break your legs." I think she thought I was kidding. This time around I had to push a 12 year old out of the way.

Maybe this means I'm not afraid to go for what I want. But I doubt that. Maybe this means I am ready as ready can be for love... but I doubt that too. In cleaning my house I contemplated the thought of sharing my life with someone, I mean, REALLY sharing my life with someone. I thought about having another toothbrush next to mine. Putting clothes away I imagined what it would be like sharing drawer space with another person. I have ideals and expectations and desires I want in another person, but I'm not so sure I'm living them for myself. I have dreams and wishes and I talk and sing to myself alot. I chirp like a little bird around my house. I'd rather at this point not have others to bare witness to my private existence, I have fun being alone. Yet I am gregarious. I do want someone baring witness to my existence, but I don't want to sacrifice what I have to get that. I guess I'll just have to go catch another bouquet.

Show Poster

One of the ova's boyfriend is a graphic artist. Is that last sentence grammatically correct? Did I spell gammatically correct? Whatever... here is the poster:

Ammaritanandamayi, Ganesh, and a Lutheran walk in to a bar...

Yeah, I saw Amma. She helped refocus my awareness. There are things that truly matter and a lot that don't. Sometimes I get caught up in details and I neglect the bigger picture that is underlining everything. Love is such a simple, easy thing. Attachments blurr it's beauty.
I wish that things for me would have such poignant clarity all the time, but I believe that comes with daily meditation and also being put in to actual practice.

I haven't been one to be down with polytheism. I believe in one God who works through love and compassion. Back when I lived in a mouse infested house with two common senseless engineers and had an army cot for a bed, I pledged myself a servant of God. There are others who live out their lives in much worse conditions but I had virtually nothing and there on that cot- wondering why I made the treck to land in Oklahoma of all places- I felt God's presence. A warm glow of pure love completely bathing me. I would like to feel this always. I feel this in Amma's presence too. Hokey or not, this is my experience.
Now I don't always agree with the assignments God hands me but I do them just the same. If I wasn't so reluctant I'm sure I'd be farther along now but I've noticed in hindsight everything is in perfect time. I do my best to serve my fellow beings to the best of my capacity. That is why I dig Amma. She's got it down to a greater degree than I can even fathom. I therefore look to her for guidance.

Oh, yeah, back to polytheism... I believe ALL ONE, but this weekend images of Ganesh, the elephant headed God, the destroyer of obstacles, called to me with his broken tusk and twining trunk. I could not deny my own inner obstacles as I studied his visage. I enjoy the thought of a symbol helping to focus on particular difficulties that I face. If that is what polytheism is, then I'm diggity down. Ganesh now swings on a silver chain above my heart.