Mama didn't raise no whore, but that's what she got

It changes my perspective that my mother reads my blog. I worry about what she must think of her daughter she raised under her own values, morals, and ethics that is far removed from what she invisioned for my future. Worrying and fussing is for the birds.
I also weigh in why I began writing this blog in the first place. An honest output of self expression.
There are no take backs. Mom still reads it even though she may not like what she sees. She wants to know my thoughts, she's curious perhaps, wants to understand the eccentric artist daughter she helped create many years ago. Good luck, Mom, you know I love ya. I get me better than most but still I struggle as to what it all means. I'm learning as I go.
I visited Kansas City home town and it had been a while, 6 maybe 7 years since I've seen some of these people and whoa what a surreal experience. Most people had grown up and it was so much fun to hang with my old buddies and even one who didn't like me much bought me a beer. For a while I was focusing on the negative. Those few people that still don't like me I blew way out of proportion to the whole world hating me and in hindsight so silly because there were so many happy faces that WERE happy to see me, and we had a rockin time together and it WAS a reunion of all my favorite people (just like Stephanie said).
I want everyone to like me. It feels devastating to me to not be accepted. I'm looking forward to getting over that, cause that weekend was so beautiful. A lot of things came full circle. Friendships reconnected, old wounds healed. A lot of love was shared. Mom gave me plants. My coming home was another reaffirmation that the life I live and the love I put in to all that surrounds me IS working. I am on the right path. I am fulfilling the assignments God has set out for me. I am so thankful for all that I have. Even the bad showed me the good.
Roller me a coaster,
life's ups and downs
are worth the experience
of being alive.
I read a friend's paper of scribbled journaling... I shouldn't of, it was uninvited observation of the thoughts in his head but I was struck with some words I found:
Fear is God's greatest sadness.
This week I once again experienced another coming together of wonderful souls. This time I was new and unknown, I met a new tribe of people that hadn't seen me through my awkward years and didn't know me from Eve. We made music together and played games and as open hearted people we shared willingly with one another. I forged some new friendships that will last a lifetime. I don't even have to express my love anymore for people to feel it.

So, I don't NEED everyone's love. I've got a some pretty potent stuff all to my lovely self. It's fun to share, and I chose to focus on the ones that are willing to do so. The wet blankets of this world will hopefully one day air themselves out to dry.