Do You Remember

When the light was shining on us

& spirit moved me

to comfort you?

We walked in step

with heads together

amid sparkling leaves.

My face was flushed from the adventure.

You left me with a kiss

on my cheek

& I left you

a piece of my heart

without even

knowing it.

I remember.

Hello, Goodbye

So here you are

and there you go.

You don't owe me anything

but I owe you miles of journey.

Last night I dreamed of you

telling me

the things I would least

like to hear:

"It's over."

Before it's even begun,

and how can it?

The flight tickets

were already bought

before we connected.

I am doing my best

to stay with

a healthy state of mind

but hormones have been

unleashed in my system

and the chemicals are

reeking havic.

I know

how precious

a moment is,

so I steel myself

with this truth.

Confidence responded first

even though she didn't

hear the question

all the way through.

Melancholy has raised her hand

knowing cold answers.

I thought

I'd grown up by now,

but I'm still

a princess in her tower

waiting for her knight

to come and rescue her.

No Holds

I watch from outer space

you found love again

but of course you would

you live for love

and believe in it with force.

You believe in love

so much you took a stand

and wouldn't live without it.

I have admired and was lucky enough

to enjoy your determination

to have it.

You have met someone,

someone that I know could not have been me

there was no way

but yet I still find myself

wishing

I wasn't the only one of us

still yearning for someone to hold.

Lost Boy

I was once one of your number

We sang like we wanted to

be on the cover of the Rolling Stone

and you helped avenge my honor

with ransom notes

and we laughed and laughed.

Not enough skeeball in the world

will keep me in your good graces

if there ever were any.

The pen was mightier in the sword,

back then.

Now cold actions

cut deeper

than words ever could.

Fear Frost

Like a frozen otter pop

I am stiff and rigid

and I seem to be waiting

for something to happen

but it just won't.

I Believe

I will enjoy

watching you

fall

in love with me.

You may

not even

know it yet,

but that is

what is happening.

Even if you've known me my whole life

You barely know who I am.

You've seen shells of my exoskeleton

I've discarded.

I'm not who I was,

nor will be tomorrow.

I hope you've looked

deeply in to my eyes,

at some point,

you will see my

soul winking at you,

sparkling its'

delicate magic.

My mystery excites me

as I feel the next unfolding

begin. Soon you may

barely able to recognize me,

I will gain a milky-white sheen

as I release my old casing

for something new.

Here we be

Last night

I laid awake.

You are leaving for a time

and it isn't forever

but it was enough

to cause unrest

in my being.

Today the idea

of an exit

with no goodbye

compressed my chest

and I couldn't breathe.

I panick

over feeling this way.

I don't know

what to do

with myself.

I'm not sure

how to solve

this puzzle.

A gain or a loss?

Or both?

In this confusion,

I remember

I told you once

if it's meant to be,

it will be.

It doesn't

soothe me now,

as I realize

it probably didn't

soothe you then

either.

Rusty and tarnished

The building is old,

The water runs a little red

when you first turn the tap on.

The silver is a dark grey,

it misses it's lightening luster

that insisted to be worn.

I'm amidst the rubble.

After feeling the scorn

of your derision,

after you coated me
with your

condescending tone...

I didn't want to share anymore.

Working through it

I just watched an episode of the show Hoarders. Though my mental disorder is not as projected out as hoarding is, I still recognized myself in them when they described what it felt like. I want to get better. I want the cycles that spin me away from the truth of me to stop. I am so blocked from my creativity at this point, that I wonder if I'll ever get it back.

My hope never ceases to amaze me. It's always bobbing along the surface of this emotional sea. My favorite buoy.

Redemption

And so you want redemption

from the crimes you committed?

From the lies that you told

and the pain you inflicted?

You wanna lead another life

where your choices were different,

where the blood isn't cold

and all thoughts are coherent.

Sometimes you have to learn

the hard way.

Sometimes you don't get

a second chance.

Mistakes can break and bruise you,

But only you can heal you.

Inspired

I was inspired by the ramblings of a friend's blog. My little land of me is oft neglected. Something I'm working on bringing radical change to. There seems to be so much I want to change, but I can't seem to get them to change all at once. And this I find vexing. Well, I'm working on one thing: cardio-rama. Oh, and daily meditation. I hard thing to do after I got done with my 40 day stint. My mind battles me: "Oh, NO. We're not doing that again."

This morning I found peaceful. Hollywood Boulevard was having a rare quite moment, and I listened to the birds chirping. It is Sunday, my one stay in bed day, so I finished a movie and made my way to the farmer's market. I felt scalped at the market today. Usually, I'm happy with the deals I make, not so much today. I am re-thinking my favorite vendors. I still got pretty new flowers, which currently need arrangement.

Adieu.