SCARE-aoke

This night will live on in infamy:

Truly.
My neighborhood pals and I went out last night for open mic (I have new fans :):):) ) and also to what at first was jokingly refered to as SCARE-aoke. I was supposed to go to band practice after I got done with open mic. My pal Jo REALLY wanted to sing karaoke. She never has, it has always been a dream of hers, but she was scared. She begged me to do it with her. Now, the moral dilema here was: do I honor my prior commitment or do I help someone actualize their wishes? Well, now that I'm a Reverend, I believe it is a duty to help someone fulfill their dream if it is within my capabilities. More of a joy than an obligation, really.
Last night all the sketchiest of sketchy people crawled out of the walls. Or should I say forest?It's not like we live in a dangerous place. When we got back home from the bars I drew our cast of characters so we could remember them all. Here is the first el Creepo:

We called him Dodgy Drew. Very on edge. Sketchy McSketcherton. Ended up making aggressive sexual advances on all three of us individually. Super gross. We sent him packing on his ear. Not in a physical way, but in a "We are all in committed relationships so no thank you" kind of way.

I love the guys that come up asking for a cigarette (even if you are obviously not smoking, doesn't matter) then start to try to mac on you. They are begging for a hand out, on multiple levels, and I don't like it. His broken front tooth was not the thing that was the turn off mind you, it was the total lack of being able to verbalize a coherent thought because he was so drunk. We are fairly certain he was on something else to.

It kinda fits that this guy is a little blurry, cause he was more worse for wear than that Snaggle Tooth. He was so tall. I could barely make out the words that were coming out of his mouth and had to have him repeat himself to me a number of times. He made it clear that he wasn't trying to hit on me, so for that kindness I gave him a few good laughs. He begged me to drink with him. I didn't understand a good portion of what he said, but he did slur to me: "You are fun to be around." Isn't that sweet?

Girl fight cubed! At the karaoke bar there were 6 fights broken up. That's what the bartender said. I only saw 3, but that was more than enough. At karaoke? Aren't we all supposed to be having fun and singing?

This guy is a trip. Generous on some levels, sexual predator on others. A sneak attacker. He gets our guard down with good conversation than makes passes that are uninvited.

Ummmmm... the Mountain Man was cute. I liked the Mountain Man. He gave me a compliment than offered to buy me a drink. I turned the drink down, though, with all the crazy shit that was going on around us I wanted all my wits about me. Which helped me be able to fully enjoy this moment:

We picked out Dancing Queen by ABBA. At first Jo was shy and barely singing in to the mic. Then about half way through the song there she was- singing her heart out. Belting in to the microphone like she owned it. And it was BEAUTIFUL. I was glad to be up on stage with her and witness her dream come true. I get warm fuzzies just thinking about it.

I'd swim through a sea of the wild wacko wednesdays to get the chance to do it again, too.

This is what I woke up to:

If you could only see the rest of this outfit. True mountain fashion complete with star pjs and polkadot galoshes.

Screw Alcatraz

I had more important things to do. Like catch up with an old SuperOVUM alum. We hatched plans. We walked in the rain, we ate lemon ricotta pancakes (the BEST pancakes I've ever eaten), we couldn't stop talking. This may sound weird, but my perception has been a little off, lately from extenuating circumstances: she reminded me how much fun I am to be around. Pretty much my whole Berkeley weekend did. It was also very special for me to hang out and stay with the lovely Miss B. She is a true blessing in my life.

Free Movement Speech started right here:

SuperOVAs

Look at that consort go, I dig her victoriously raised arms:

I couldn't believe my eyes, but there she was:


The lady that introduced me to my guru,
and who I boogied barefoot with:

Berkeley and Joy

You wouldn't believe it! Or maybe you would, maybe you would say: "Well, of course, Mad Hatter with Rhinestones. Why wouldn't you?" Check it: when I was walking around in Berkeley, California- I fit right in. Looked like I'd been living there my whole dang life. You should have seen me on the streets in my purple sneakers, funky pants and adorable green dress. Maybe the next time I wear the outfit I'll take a picture, but for now I will just leave it to your imagination, which could be much more enjoyable.
I stood where the Free Speech Movement started. Led by people who believed in the power of the people, and because they believe in it soooo much... IT WORKED!

(Pssst... Big Sis... I believe I know what my first children's book is going to be about. :} )

Went to the ashram in San Ramon tonight. Sweet Amma. I quietly offered her my heart. She poured her love all over it, just in a look- just in her sweet plump smile.
One of her Swamis lead a prayer and then we had a discussion on attachment. Or rather the Swami asked us, "What is detachment?"
We stared back at him in silence, not really believing he had just asked us a question. No one was sure how to respond. He stared back at us almost defiantly, daring us, waiting for one of us to speak. Finally the Swami smiled and readjusted his orange robe, "Apparently this is a difficult question to answer." We let out nervous laughter. Slowly hands started raising up, each person giving the next more confidence til arms came up evenly and at a steady pace. Some people talked about passages from the Bhagavad Gita, which was over my head. One guy started talking about the lesions in his brain, a little off topic, but the Swami deftly steered the conversation back on course.
One person thought that you must know judgement first before you could get to detachment. Example: It is not a good judgment call to detach from the fact your kid needs to be schooled and given an education.
Another person stated you can not have attachment unless you know disgust. Example: Say you had this really tasty pizza and you couldn't wait to get a slice, it consumed you, your salivary glands were over-activated- THEN you find out a rat had peed on it. From the disgust of the urine you are freed from your attachment to wanting a slice pretty quick.
A lady sitting in front of me sad something truly moving and very touching and the funniest thing is I don't remember a word she said. I DO remember it filled me with great peace.
People also pulled from Amma's teachings. My answer to the question went something like this: "Detachment is like you are on a train, and allow yourself to watch your thoughts and your emotions like they are the passing landscape. The train that you are on is the present moment." This isn't so much a definition as it is a simile. I shouldn't even put quotes around it because I got that perspective from reading an Amma book, I of course gave her proper credit when I spoke, and I of course do not remember which book I read it in.
The guy with the lesions wanted to know how to find happiness. What is his life's purpose if he has this disease? The Swami assured him his life has a purpose. He asked the Swami what his life purpose was then, the Swami-so blunt, so straight forward, and so gently- answered: "If I knew, I would have told you." The guy insisted for more answers. "I have been coming here for months and my head is filled with all these thoughts, so much thoughts going through my head and I cannot shut them off. So how do I find happiness?" "Chant your mantra, just one though, too many mantras can confuse the mind and mantras are to help facilitate focus so having a many would defeat the purpose."

I bathed the crown of my head in camphor smoke, and smeared sandalwood paste on my forehead. I sprinkled holy water in my hair. I feel a lot better.

Needless to say I learned a lot. It's hard not to go in to even more detail but I try to make my blogs mentally digestible in this fast paced world.

Tomorrow, I'm contemplating going to Alcatraz.

4th Moon

I don't know
if from here on out
I will count down
every moon
that comes my way,
but they have become markers
of the time spent
in this new land.
I've been keeping my eye
on her lately.
I've been watching
her wax and wane
and start all over again.

For me,

she is a reminder

of all that I've gained,

and all that I've lost.

May I be of assistance?

You, yes, you are now looking at the Reverend Katrina Lynne.
I've been ordained by the Universal Life Church. I can now legally marry people, perform funeral rites, baptisms... everything except circumcision... and I'm okay with that.

Before I left Tulsa I was asked to officiate a friend's wedding. Such an honor! I will now be able to do so. Also, according to my Meyers-Briggs test, the top 6 careers of people with my personality are in spiritual leadership (minister, preacher, etc.), which I laughed out loud when I was reading it because I see the audience sometimes as my congregation.

I'm also considering getting a Doctorate in Divinity. It seems appropriate.

A slight tarnish

My favorite holiday and my least favorite holiday... all in one week.

So... I'm super excited and cartwheeling thinking about my birthday month, and all the subsequent fun that is coming along with it. Than I remember the one holiday that never ceases to bum me out in a MAJOR way will come sneaking up behind my fabulous day of days:

Valentine's Day.

Icky, yicky, stupid, poopy Valentine's Day.

VDay has never disappointed me as far as always being one of the most depressing days of the whole year.

I spit on Valentine's Day. I squish it with the power of my Almighty 30.

Cartwheels!

One of my best friends from high school is going to come visit me! Yea! Christopher is coming! We are going to go play in the redwoods and the hot springs of Northern California. Weee!

5 weeks away. :(

Looks like my birthday celebrations are going to take up ALL of February. :) :} :)

Poor Heath Ledger

Not even dead over 3 hours and People.com already has a "look back" and timeline of your life.

Amma Qoute of the Day:

"Unless we have a certain degree of mastery over the mind, true peace is difficult to attain."

ReveLAtion!

I just figured why I've felt so befuddled! Now, I hesitate to talk about it because it might come out blatant and trite, but... don't hold your breath...

I'm at a crossroads and I haven't picked my path.

And it's OK!
It's a 100% OK and I don't have to rush a damn thing.


Hallelujah.

Broom, I defy you.

I could be sweeping some things under the rug. Maybe a dust particle of truth there, I'm still exploring. Mother tried to recommend some pop-up motivational speaker to me today, like I needed one. I'm definitely procrastinating on a few things. Procrastination I put on my list of strengths; I'm terribly good at it. Actually, I AM taking care of some business, things just aren't going in the order that I was planning on. Hmmph. I would like God to remember that I'm a co-creator here, so technically that means that I have half a say in what goes down in my life. He's been making plans behind my back, I think he's plotting on taking over the company. Hold on tight to your stocks, they might be worth more than you realize.

A Frog Croak Frog World

Judging by the way my voice sounds after being sick, I'm going to try out for this band:

Who drank all the Cristal?

I got sick of being blonde. I also missed my curls (the chemical process from bleaching has reduced them to mere waves). New state + new year = new hair color. I decided to perm my already naturally curly hair, my mom did it once. It kinda worked for her. Watcha think, Ma? Aren't you glad I got out of that purple phase? Pink suits me sooo much more.

Evidence

Actions speak louder
than words.
I could bless
a situation
til I'm blue in the face.
It always works out
in the long run.
In the short run of things,
my hands are a little empty.
My sound and my fury
are deafening,
out of spite
I edge toward unleashing
it. This actually
goes back to a previous
snippet of thought,
how do you wield power
properly?
My ancient wrath aches
to stretch and flex
its' batty wings.
I feel an injustice has been done.
I look at God in his false heavens
and wonder why I fell for his
cardboard cutout.
I did my best not to,
but I kept seeing these beautiful signs.
They surrounded me.
I blinked and rubbed my eyes.

I did my best to stick by
my independence and my grace.
I wouldn't take the proffered hand.

Now I start up from my bed
gasping for air. Visions I once enjoyed
haunt me. I want them gone.
They are lies.
My sacred shrine
has been defiled.
I'm not supposed to be living
with regrets, but
I think I made a big mistake.
I feel it every time
I try to connect to
my heart.
I swear to you
I've seen
the majesty of life,
but right now
I've no proof.

Power

How do we wield it?
When you are given a lot of it,
what do you do with it?
What are the proper funnels?
How do you know if
you are using it correctly?
I wish it came with instructions.

Sicky poo

I've got a cold. I'm achy, have extra mucus, and my throat is scratchy. I got my friend Kim to hug me for a little to help me feel better, but she has little maternal intincts. She managed a few pats. I long for a caretaker, anyone to make me a tea or whip up a healthy concoction to dose me with... bring me a movie. All I have is a dog though. Sigh, sniff.

I found my camera. That's nice... LOOK:

I think the colors are wicked, to turn an east coast phrase.

The only obstacle left at the moment is repairing my car, which is so close I can taste it. Oh, did you not know about the car? Well, maybe you should call me, you silent blogger stalker. Come over and make me some soup, since I can't drive. Unless I want to risk my engine bursting in to flame, which I don't.

I know there are at least three people thinking I'm talking directly to them chastizing their blog stalking antics. Calm down you little monkeys, I think it is sweet you check on me, actually.

Wish I could delve in to your head too, but I must remain satiated with my own inner babble.

It's all that is keeping me company on this long sick night. Sneeze. Sniff.

Sigh.

Synch

A part of me is missing.
My pride and I
are having a nasty argument
over who had it last.
It's a no holds barred
drag out. There is a lull
at this moment
we are staring each other down,
waiting for the other
to make the next move.
We're also keeping awareness
in our peripherals.
We both have to watch out
for my heart, who has a
tendency to bulldoze her way
right in the middle of any fight,
knocking everything down
in her mad dash to come
to a complete stop.
Doesn't make much sense
to me either.

You know...

there are things I just won't talk about here, even if I burn with a desire to throw it down biggity blog style. Contrary to popular belief I am quite discerning, what it is is that the lines I draw are different than most. For example, what happened last night? Nope, can't talk about it.
Well, some parts I guess I can. I did it, I went out by myself and hung out with the locals, they are crazy cats. Who I ended up hanging out with most of the night were two sisters that coincidentally live down the street from me. A house wife with her visiting sister from Massachusetts. Have we ever met before? Nooooo. Is she building a Day of the Dead "Katrina" sculpture? Yessssss. We were destined to be friends.
And other stuff happened too.
Today I walk more sure in my step, and it feels good. Adventures suit me.

Hee hee hee hee

Dare I delight
in my own cleverness?
I shall!
Everytime
I think about it,
I laugh out loud.
Good thing
not many people
are around.

Lock Down

If I wanted to freeze a moment
and stay there forever,
would that be so wrong?
If I could lock myself
in a place
where the sun
shone down
and the light played
on my skin,
and my heart felt
as wide as the sky,
would that be asking too much?
I know the answer.
Words
like "freeze" and "lock"
don't mingle well
with words like
"as wide as the sky."
I can't tell if it's
the metaphors
that I'm mixing, or what.
Right now, I feel like
my own folly. Which actually,
come to think about it,
is par for the course.

Happy Home

Out here,
floating in cyberspace
is my magical blog land.
A source of consistency
in my ever
shifting landscape.
It is a fertile ground
where I spread seeds of thought.
Haphazardly
they grow like wildflowers.
A person once told me
my beauty
was like that
of a wildflower:
strong of stem
with
delicate petals.
The words struck
a gong in my heart
for they showed me
a picture
of my true self.

Floody McFlooderton

We are in the middle of the storm of 10 years. Funny. I was just in one of those.
I'm without electricity AGAIN. Northern California is flooded! I ran in to town to send some emails, get some last minute necessities, and get a haircut.
Ummmm... I'm getting a haircut because...
I set my hair on fire lighting the pilot in the stove.
It isn't terrible but there is no hiding it. I'm a little sad by this as I was trying to grow my hair out a little, but that isn't an option anymore. Wish me luck. Don't know when I'll get electricity back, or if I'll be sliding down the mountain. We shall see won't we?
I am singing backup for Ms. Manning this evening at a local pub. I remember the last time, bittersweet memories, again I'll be facing some ghosts... weee and all.
I'm kinda thinking Ms. Manning should call it off, since the enormous storm that's a comin,' however, she seems determined to play on.
Maybe we can kayak to the gig.

My New Year Adventure

I awoke New Year's Eve with my eyes puffy from tears, and my heart sad. I needed some healing. "We need the water of Harbin Hot Springs," my reflection said.
"Now reflection," countered I, "is this not the scene of the crime? Is this not where the trouble began? We went there, consciously opened up our heart, and now look at us."
"The water didn't do that. We can't let others dictate where we go and what we do. Is that not one of the reasons we left Oklahoma, because we were living our life for other people?"
My reflection glared defiantly at me. Together we took a deep breath.
"You're right," I told my reflection, "I don't want to go and be around a bunch of drunk people I don't know. I'm not going to argue with you, I can't think of a more perfect way to begin a New Year than in those hot springs."
The Eve
So I packed and off I went. The scenery all the way was breathtaking. Harbin was full up with no vacancy, so I got a 24 hour pass to the springs and planned to sleep in my car. I was right about those ghosts in the water, I was surrounded by them. Lots of couples. When I saw them I would dunk my head and let the water wash my spirit clean. In the community kitchen I made myself dinner, met some lovely peeps who gave me cookies and suggested I should study cranial sacral therapy, as massage therapists with that training are in short supply in the bay area. Wonderful food for thought, I will look in to it, but I'm still not sure what kind of schooling I want to get in to yet. Still exploring my options.
I watched a movie they showed (The Waitress, and I HIGHLY recommend it), then I went to this common room with a nice fire in it. I read and eventually fell asleep. No one asked me to leave, so I slept there, cozy in front of the fire.
The Beginning
I have been waking up very early here. New Year's Day was no exception. I awoke and saw the first orange crack of dawn. I delighted myself with the experience of doing the Sun Salutation to the breaking dawn of the New Year. Honestly, it doesn't get more perfect. Another person who opted to sleep in the common room was awakened by my movement, and joined me in greeting the day with yoga. After we stopped we hugged, and thanked each other for sharing such a beautiful experience. It was the first time for both of us to actually greet the morning sun with a Sun Salutation. As we looked out at the beautiful day, we saw more people gathering for yoga further down the hill. So we joined them. I had a yoga fiesta to start off my new year.
The Breakfast
After that I went to breakfast, I enjoyed a little writing before this lovely German artist named Martina came to sit with me and talk about life. An older gentleman came along with his breakfast and joined in our conversation. We talked about the horrible things going on in our planet, and how do we, as individuals, respond to the gross injustices being done. If we react to these things with anger and frustration- which we do, I personally find it hard not to- we are feeding the very beast we despise. We all felt at odds living in a nation ruled by fear and the glory of material wealth. As a way to counterbalance these world problems that upset us we agreed that instead of reacting with anger, what we should focus on spreading love and compassion as a daily walking prayer. In the very least we can help our immediate world by giving these things to those we make direct contact with in our waking life. We all hugged goodbye and I made my way to the springs with this new gentleman friend.
The Baths
Well, don't it beat all that this gentleman had romantic inclinations towards me. I thanked him for the compliment, but let him know the timing was off. I allowed him to talk and share with me, but that's as far as I'm willing to let it go. I guess the experience showed me that finding another man who enjoyed my close company would be easy, but honestly, it brings little comfort. I don't really want to allow anyone else in. I will have to wait on time to heal that. Mr. Gentleman and I shared a picnic and then back I went to house sitting.
The New Year
On the way home the majesty of the mountains moved me this time to tears. I let them flow because they felt good; I lovingly accepted the gift of beauty laid out before me. I plan on sharing the gifts I received from my New Year's experience to all I encounter, and that, my dear ones, is my New Year's resolution. Wasn't planning on making any, but as I wrote that last sentence, I discovered I just did.