I'm stumbling

My inner turmoil is not so inner. Years of emoting emotions on stage will do that to you. I can hide nothing. Lies out of my mouth are terrible and land obviously. I can turn no where without a look of concern facing me. It is painful, I just want to be left alone. I had felt so strong before 2 weeks ago. I felt like I was finally getting my shit together, and then I lose the best job I ever had. I fall, skill-less on the floor. With hair that's still slightly pink.

OK, I'm not that skill-less. And even though another day ticks by with no good job leads in sight, I feel an unexpected sense of peace. Someone's hand is on my shoulder.

Are you feeling blue? This might put you in a better mood. It did me.






Thanks for the rolling pin, Mom. It came in handy.

Today

I was kicked
by my good friend
while I'm down.
UFFFFFF.

Fair thee well

I took my cat Alfonzo to the animal shelter today. The decision to get rid of him happened yesterday, when I came home to discover he had pissed on my bed. On my new comforter, through the sheets, and on to the mattress. Cat piss had dried in to my mattress.
You can imagine my distress. Now, distilled white vinegar is my ally and good friend, and will eventually remove all traces of the sickening smell. It was, however, the last straw for Alfonzo.
I hugged him tight. I told him I was sorry, that I loved him, but I've had enough. I cried all the way to the shelter. He even pissed in his box on the way there, probably feeling that he was losing his home, yet further fortifying my belief it had to be done.
I don't feel the greatest about it. I lied and said he wasn't my cat, up until I came to the man that took my cat. I was crying profusely, it was pretty hard to hide the truth. He was as nice as he could be, I gave him all the info I had on Alfonzo, then left.
And closed a chapter.

Long Drive

As I left my friend's house after dinner, I noticed my tank was very near empty. As I filled it, I decided I needed to go for a drive. Something I rarely do, as I don't like to drive all that much. It has gotten to the blazing heat of summer. You walk out the door, take two steps, and beads of sweat begin to drip.
It was night, no more sun blaring down. So I rolled down the windows and turned on to Riverside Drive. A road called Riverside because it goes alongside a river, how clever. Regardless or not of how clever it is, it softly curves along with the path of the river. That latter is what called to me. I turned the radio off and listened to wind. I love the feel of the wind. I am alone with my thoughts. A massive reorganization is occuring. I can even feel my roots shifting.
I'm getting more attention from men lately. Real cute ones, too. Very distracting. It seems these days I just need to turn tail and run, because that's what I end up doing. Also tossing a banana peel behind me as I go to make sure there is at least one obstacle between us.

I'm switching to using Coconut oil when I cook. You should to.
One thing I read about it tonight was the fact that it is a medium chain fatty acid, unlike transfat which is a long chain fatty acid. How the short and medium chains are absorbed is from the intestines directly to the liver. Long chains (transfat) have to first go through the lymph and circulatory systems to finally wind up in the liver. Which means your body has to go through more of a process to digest, so it is difficult to digest, on top of that: long chain fatty acids' melting point is above body temp. So that means it can't be completely absorbed by the body, and forms calcium salt i.e. toxins.
Coconut oil also has a lovely light flavor. There is a host of more great things it does, boosts metabolism, is antiviral... all sorts of fun things. Check it out, and get back to me. Am I right or am I all right?
I sure hope I am.