The never ending garden

So I tilled a plot of land to make in to a garden. I looked out at my garden proudly all day. And it was in the shade in the morning. mid morning. afternoon. and still at 3 when I went to work. Vegetables need full light. I had to till a new patch. It took me forever to figure out how to work the tiller in the first place.
For the tiller illiterate: a tiller is a machine that has big cogs that have dull teeth that rotate the dirt up. It is heavy and awkward have two little back wheels to balance the monster teeth apon. Not easy to master, it's like plowing a field. Instead with a machine smaller than a lawn mower that'a easier to pull than push.
When I started making the new plot it kept dying on me. It wouldn't start at all. I'd go and get the neighbors I burrowed the tiller from and show them how it didn't work. And they would make it work. As soon as they were gone it wouldn't work again. I'd try to get it started for 15 minutes. I'd get frustrated and take a break. Come back. Try to start it. It wouldn't start. Take a break. Come back, wouldn't start. Marched off to neighbors. They made it start. As soon as they left it died. Needless to say it was a daunting task not to throw up my hands and say f*ck it all. However, I have this inner drive that's relentless. It won't shut up. Sometimes, it gives me no peace.
Some time between singing for the 85th anniversary for the All Souls Church and celebrating Earth Day I'm gonna have to till again. This time throw in some manure. We have some established plants that need to be replanted out there, and there are lots of little seedlings sprouting.
I'll need to get some plants that like shade, too.
For the spare garden.

Tonight, I wrote a poem

I'm as tired as all get out. My house is a jungle gym of cats or so it would seem since none of the three let me sleep last night. Bastards. I spent some time at a coffee house tonight and got to lay down and clear what was in my head.

Past Masses

My feelings
can still be hurt.
I can still over-react
to imagined slights
against me.
I would like
to outgrow this.
Move beyond that
which holds me back.
How many ways
can I describe my imperfections, yet
I've been told & I believe
we are humans,
perfectly imperfect.
Actions speak louder
than words and
this is easier said
than done.
How wide is my scope?
How deep is my breath?
How long does it
take for me to
sort out
useless complications?
To let the past
ease its way in to
the disappearing landscape.
There's to much
commotion in my head
to concentrate
on simple truth.
This is a test,
this is only a test.
Who's stronger now?
Me, my peacock self.
I like myself
more than I did
back then.

Enjoying the ride

So... I've gotten a lot of action lately. Action in the fun sexual sense. Which has been quite enjoyable and greatly appreciated. I'm not attached to any, and that's been rewarding. I've probably jinxed this lucky streak by telling the world about it but it has been unexpected and out of the blue. I don't think I'm hotter or sexier or cuter or whatever than I have been but I've been noticed a lot more lately and maybe it is me.
I looked over my past blogs to look and maybe be able to gauge the evolution to now and perchance this is can be attributed to my attitude towards life. I've been through a lot, in life, and mapped out on this blog. I've been rolling through life lessons really fast and I'm breaking new ground every day and I'm not gonna slow down for relationships that are illusionary.
I'll enjoy the moment and move on when it's done. Ultimately it seems their baggage weighs them down and they have to stop and catch a breather on the side of the road, but I can't wait, I've gotta keep pressing forward. Ya gotta keep up with this girl. :)

Watcha watcha watcha want?

This weekend was full of beautiful people I don't get to see very often and it was delightful. I did merchandise for my friend's band, Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey. I got myself dolled up and sold a lot. My mojo was a workin.' I even had drinks bought for me. Many peeps from my tribe of friends were out and a lot of them came up to me and were like "I didn't even recognize you!" and I don't really know why... maybe it's the hair. I don't think I'm that different but old friends seem like they are completely blown away when they see me and my reaction is... okay. I believe I will take these reactions like a compliment for surely that is their intention. There was this sweet cute guy who bought me a drink but then later he didn't even come back and talk to me. Oh well...
During the concert this old hook up came to the table with his girl, and when he looked me in the eye he wanted to nonverbally communicate with me. "You've sat on my face" is what his eyes said as he smirked at me, and would his girl be friendly with me anymore if she knew the truth? And maybe she does hell it was in an between time for them I guess when he took me back to his place that one night. He likes to remind me every time I see him about what happened between us with his little smirk and how his eyes sparkle with his little secret.
And then this other guy who wanted to come out with me later was acting all weird and uncomfortable like he wanted to crawl out of his skin and why come and want to spend time with me if you are gonna be miserable the whole time, well, his loss. I still had fun eating sushi and watching my friend act like a drunken fool, which by the way, Matt Leland is incredibly good at.
This was only a snapshot in to my weekend. More later.

Feisty

I was a tiger in the cage. Pacing back and forth behind the bars, I've been wanting and willing and waiting... I imagine my sleeky muscular femme feline self slinking on soft big pads and then all of the sudden the bars dissolved and I pounced.
I have no regrets.
I'd been wanting to do that for a long time.
And I feel much better.
Now I can stretch out lazily in the sun.